dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
