Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
