I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
