she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
