would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
