Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
