Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize