It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
