I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
