it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
