when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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