i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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