Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
