I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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