Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
