Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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