Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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