I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
