C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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