Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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