Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
this boner is exhausting
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
