I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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