I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
