I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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