I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
