Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
