I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
