i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
