I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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