I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
