the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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