Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
