I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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