I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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