took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
