walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize