I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
