im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
