Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize