I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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