im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
