i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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