dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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