we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
