I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
