She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
