Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize