Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
