I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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