I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
