You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sarcasm needs its own font
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
