exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
