I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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