I wanna passion pit in your ass
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize