he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
