Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
