I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am naked and annoyed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
