Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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