Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
