If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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