Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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