I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
