You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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