Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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