I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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