I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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