a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
