I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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