is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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