he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
