just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
