so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
