I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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