The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
