I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
