my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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