these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
