When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize