Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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