i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
