I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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