I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
