I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
