Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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