just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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