Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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