Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
this is an emotional support booty call
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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