We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
