Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize