Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
