happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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