You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
