Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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